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Teresa Rodriguez: Learning to Love Myself Again

Teresa Rodriguez: Learning to Love Myself Again

I love candy, especially Skittles. Sometimes I would even fall asleep with a mouthful of them. In the morning I would look in the mirror and hate the obese person I saw, yet I never connected the two. So, I stopped looking in the mirror, thinking that if I didn’t see the problem it wasn’t really there. This was in 2005. I was 30 years old, stood five-foot-eight, and weighed 245 pounds.

Aside from the Skittles, my diet consisted of processed foods, such as Hamburger Helper, macaroni and cheese, and canned pasta and rice dishes. My exercise program consisted of walking to the kitchen to get food and back to the living room to watch TV. Because I would eat so much, I would often exhaust myself and need to lie down after meals. Eating a lot of food was my way of dealing with how bad my life had become: I had no job, a less-than-perfect past, a seemingly dead-end future, and very low-self esteem. I felt that I was literally eating myself to death.

Growing up, my mom did encourage me to eat vegetables and fruits, but I lived in the microwave age and was soon using it to cook everything I ate. I remember thinking that microwaving bacon was healthy because the drip tray would catch all the fat. Things got even worse when I moved out on my own and was able to buy all the foods my mom never bought, such as Chef Boyardee Raviolis, steak, chocolate milk, ice cream, and cheese. If it was bad for me I ate it because now I could.

Keep reading HERE at Dr. McDougall’s Health and Medical Centre

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Here’s a Quick Way to Get Over a Deathly Divorce

She loves him like the morning dew loves the lush grass. They have a remarkable son together. Despite being torn apart by hatred between their families, the two lovers manage to unite once more. But when death comes to him, union could be no more. Her family would sway and soften but not the Angel of Death. How did she endure the death of her darling? How did she live without the one she followed to the Ethiopian desert? How did she sleep knowing the love she weeped for under the Arabian, sweltering sun was now below the ground?

 

 

 

 

Very simple actually.

Umm Salama (radhi Allahu unha) is an intelligent women. When her husband dies, the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalaam consoles her and she holds his advice like a smart driver holds her steering wheel on highway of hardships. The Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalaam instructs her to say:

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun. Allahumma ajirni fi musibati, wa akhlif li khayran minha

To Allah we belong, and to Him will we return – O Allah, reward me for my affliction and replace it for me with that which is better.

Umm Salamah keeps repeating this dear du’a, with faith as firm as a fist. She doesn’t deny her condition for she does ask “who could be a better husband than Abu Salamah?” So what happens to Umm Salamah? Lets return to her later as we look at … 

The Deathly Divorce

If you’ve parted from your ex, you probably asked “How will I ever get over this deathly divorce? How will I ever get ‘that which is better’?” You’re not alone.

Divorce is especially high amongst Muslims with a mental illness. If you have two friends, statistics predict one is likely to have a divorce. But if you have 10 friends with mental illness (you’d be a very strong friend), then 9 of your friends are likely to get a divorce. The rate jumps from a staggering 50% to a distressing 90%*.

I was among those 90% and that’s when I met Umm Salamh, well not literally One of my beloved sisters taught me this du’a soon after my divorce and wow! My affliction is replaced with that which is better, alhumdulillah because…

The Delicious Du’a Delivers!

For over two years, I thought when will ‘the better’ in my du’a come? I was too busy thinking to take notice of the better that had already come.

A du’a delivers when you deliver. Meaning, make du’a and get to work sister! Allah is responsible for the results. Your job is to do the work and seek the better. You must acknowledge the good you have now and work towards making the better happen.

This du’a like others is not a one-time saying. Quite the opposite. Say it now, put it on your mirror, put it in your heart and start believing and reciting it.

If the divorce happened, it was all the for the better because Allah always does every single thing for the best. No Ms. Yeahbuts only…

Diamonds from Divorce Drama

There are many diamonds in aftermath of a divorce. What are you doing to dig them? 

Here’s 2 ways to start digging for diamonds now:

1. Memorize this du’a. Say it often especially when bitter divorce thoughts scream in your mind. This du’a directs your mind to focus on the good that is and in sha Allah will come out of the divorce. The positive thinking is built into this du’a!

  

2. Now make a list of 10 rewards you enjoyed because of your divorce. I’m not saying to jump for joy in la la land. No doubt, there is alot of pain in a breakup. But with the pain, there is much gain. What have you gained?

Share your answers here and help other sisters benefit.

One of the greatest rewards I enjoy because of the divorce is MorningWind. I wouldn’t have learned and shared so much about mood disorders if I didn’t face a divorce, Allahu alam.

Oh and guess who Umm Salamah married Our beloved Messenger sallahu alayhi wasalaam. Talk about ‘that which is better’!

What have you learned from your divorce? What have you learned from your hardships?

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*If you are having sand storms in your relationship right now, do your best to keep the relationship together. This post is meant to help sisters who had a divorce and are still drowning in its drama.

Victim or Victor: What will YOU choose?

When you touch a pine cone, the scales are sun-burnt and stiff. It looks dead which makes you wonder what its purpose is. Why do so many of them fall on the emerald grass?

Inside each pine cone, there are thousands of seeds for new trees but the seeds are never planted until …a wild fire. Yes, that’s right. When wild fires occur, the pine cones explode and all seeds are sown. That’s how new and healthy trees are born.

Sometimes, you have wild fires too. Gruesome grades, deep debt, fight with fathers, Depression diagnosis are all wild fires. Everyone has fires raging through their life. Some choose to focus on the burns and come out as victims. While intelligent fire fighter use burns to become victors.

For victims, wild fire means paralysis while for, it means catalysis. Catalysis for terrific trees. What do you see, paralysis or catalysis?

One of my best teachers solidifies this valuable lesson through math symbol: the square root (see below).

At Position 1, your line of vision is only as high as the dotted line. Not much sunshine there. Then LIFE happens, gruesome grades, deep debt or fight with father. That’s called LIFE. With this painful event, LIFE pushes til you hit black bottom, the lowest point of the square root. At black bottom, victims are defines and victors are refined.

Victims stay there and say ‘misery, thy name is moi.’ Victims parade around with their sob story hungry for any sympathtic ear.

Victors also feel pain. They are human after all. The difference is they put a cap on their grief period. They allow and accept pain and sadness but only for a fixed time.

Once their grief self-imposed deadline is up, they get on their heels and look for ways to climb to Position 2. Once they find ways, they start climbing and eventually reach the top. They know that in order for them to go up, they must come down first. Thus, hitting black bottom is not so black for them. And once at the top, they enjoy the shimmering sun.

But how do victors get from Position 1 to Position 2. They use 3 simple steps:

1. Victors believe everything is beneficial

They know there is good in the lovely and the low because the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalaam said so:

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Muslim).

Victors are thankful during terrific times and learn lessons during lows by asking: In what way is this situation BETTER for me?

2. Wild fires refine you or define you

Victors keep this in full focus. They know they always have a choice to be refined into a gem or defined to dirt, to climb or crash. And they choose to climb. That’s how they make it to the top. They get in the driver’s seat and drive. Do you have the keys to your car and who is driving your life?

3.  Have you called Allah lately?

Victors constantly call Allah. They have Allah on ‘speed dial’ because they trust Him 130%. Unlike their best buddy, victors never get a busy signal when they call Allah. They know that the ‘painful’ LIFE came from Allah so they call Him for help to master LIFE.

When will you call Allah? And when you do, can you put in a good du’a for me as well :)

How has this post benefited you?

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The Ring

Sterling Silver Spinning Ring ,  by tambo012966.

One day, everyone gathered in the masjid of the Rasulullah, salullahu alayhi wasalaam, to pray Dhur. After completing the prayer in jama’ah (congregation), the people began praying their sunnah individually. In the meantime, a poor man was wandering from person to person asking for some money to buy something to eat. However, no one would break their salah to help him out.

The poor man then lifted his hands to the sky and called out, “Oh Allah, you are my Witness. Not a single person would help me, even in the masjid of Rasulullah, salullahu alayhi wasalaam!”

Ali, radhi Allahu unhu, was standing nearby and heard the man’s cry, but because he too was in salah, there was not much he could do, but he wanted to help the man. When he went into the ruku position, he stuck out his finger, which had a big silver ring on it, hoping that the man would come and take it.

When the poor man saw Ali’s, radhi Allahu unhu, finger sticking out, he pulled the ring off and went on his way. Rasulullah, salullahu alayhi wasalaam, learned about the incident and was deeply moved by Ali’s compassion.

“Oh Lord,” he prayed, “Prophet Musa, alayhi salaam, once said to you, ‘Expand my heart, and make my tasks easy, and make my speech beautiful so that they may understand me and make my brother, Harun, my helper and advisor,’ Oh Allah, I am also Your Prophet, so expand my heart too, and make my tasks easy, and make Ali my helper and advisor!”*

Have you made this du’a of the Prophet, Rasulullah, salullahu alayhi wasalaam, lately?

Successful people seek help when they need it from the right people. That builds the support network they need to move forward. And it all begins with a simple du’a of the tongue…

What will you ask Allah today?

*Source: From the Lives of The Khulafa’ Ar-Rashidun by Huseyin Abiva

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Released from Psychiatric Ward…Now What?

Golden Moments, originally uploaded by !efatima.

I have a marvellous rectangle box adorned with white shiny mesh. The lid has a sparkling cream bow. Every time one of my students gives me a card or a note, it goes in this box to shelter me during stressful snow storms. But I have one special card that neither fits in the box nor is it from my students. It’s very big in size and value My family gave me this card when I returned home from my first hospitalization.

At the time, I didn’t  savour the card because I was still recovering. Looking back now, I realize I needed to take those warm welcomes just as much as my family needed to give them. Why? Because a hospitalization is a traumatic experience for the patient and their family. So if you’ve recently been hospitalized or not, you will want to read this post because it will destigmatize hospitalizations, give you practical tips for what to do once you’re out and how to prevent future hospitalizations.

Hospitalization Stigma

Before going to the hospital, you might have done things you now feel ashamed of. Some people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need. Other’s become promiscuous and later regret their loose actions. Some even travel sporadically while some Bipolar patients sabotage cherished relationships. If you’ve done any of these things or the like, understand that it is in the past and it wasn’t in your control 100%. Many of your actions before the hospitalization had to do with Bipolar and not you. You must forgive yourself and move on. If you need to apologize to others, then do that as well. If you keep focusing on the past, it’s similar to looking in the rear view mirror constantly while trying to drive forward. What will happen? You will crash, again.

After my hospitalizations, I was asked ”why didn’t you go to school for the past year?” And sometimes my neighbours would ask my family, “why did the cops come to your place last night?” You probably have to answer such tough questions. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to answer them. When you do feel comfortable answering, do so because it will help others understand you.

It took a while to open up and answer such tough questions. And when I had enough courage and knowledge, MorningWind was born!

You’re back home, now what?

We may do our best to prevent hospitalizations and sometimes they are necessary. The hospital is a place to recover after a severe mania or depression episode because there medication is administered, meals and sleep are regulated, stimulation is decreased, it’s mostly white and doctors and nurses are always nearby.

When you get home, it’s challenging to maintain that routine. You and your family must do your best to build an environment that maximizes optimum health for you and your family. Here are some key points to keep in mind:

- Maintain a regular meal, sleep and medication schedule that suits and excites you.

- Fill your room and home with motivating scenery, objects and books that lift you.

- Master your salah because it will you anchor you towards the One who can cure your disease.

- Keep a calendar to remind you of important appointments.

- Clean! An orderly home means an orderly mind!

Preventing future hospitalization

The best way to prevent a future hospitalization is to learn about your warning signs and then doing your best to prevent them. Here are some of the coolest techniques that have prevented me from being strapped in a stretcher.

- Chart your warning signs with fun! I have a bristol board in my room that is divided into half. One side is mania with stickers and the other is depression with stickers. Stickers make it fun for     me. Then, each side has a long arrow mania’s arrow going up and the depression’s arrow going down. Anytime I learn a new warning sign that signals an upcoming episode, I put it on my Bipolar chart. This helps me and my family know that I am getting sick.

- Make gigantic du’a during times it is most likely to be accepted (during sujood, rainfall, while opening one’s fast, during sickness etc…). And follow the proper etiquettes of making du’a.

- Move and move and move! Find a physical activity that exhilarates you and do it often. It doesn’t have to be 2 hours on the treadmill. It could a simple 12 minute walk or a few laps in the pool or some fun balance games on the Wii Fit Nintendo. Do what makes you happy because it will keep depression far, far away naturally. And no depression means no suicidal thoughts!

- Stay in touch with your support network. That means keeping up with doctor appointments, following up with your life coach, visiting your dietician and fitness trainer and hanging out with awesome friends who make you laugh.

- Treat your soul to the best food: dhikr! I am doing much research on the links between spirituality and mental illness mastery. And guess what? I’ve got sparkling news for practicing Muslims! Bipolar is much easier to manage and master when you remember Allah often, pray five times a day with deep concentration. Use the HeartWheelJournal to give your soul the 5-star treatment now!

- RSS to MorningWind! This way you know when there is a new and fresh breeze of tips that will help you master Bipolar because you’ve subscribed to receive regular updates.

 

Did you find this post useful? What did you learn?

What are your experience/s with hospitalizations? What are you doing to prevent future ones? I have much to learn from your thoughts and comments

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With Great Power Comes Great Laughs!

SmILe by BidWiya

I used to have this set of pj’s that I adored. I wore them for days on. They were soft blue, comfy and had pockets too! They were warm enough for bitter winter nights and cool enough for steamy summer siestas. And they made me smile like the child above. But I couldn’t say the same about others. In fact, whenever I wore those particular pyjamas, there was a specific sister, Rayan*, who would feel angry. I often got into arguments with Rayan. And it took me a long time to realize that the arguments happened more often when I wore those soft blue, comfy pj’s around her. So a couple weeks ago, I sadly let go of them. It was a hard decision and it was worth it.

Leaving the pj’s was worth it because Rayan and I had a much better relationship afterwards. The pyjamas reminded Rayan of someone she didn’t like. And because I didn’t wear them anymore, she didn’t link me to that person. Of course I can wear them when she is not around

Anchors

The pyjamas are a great example of an anchor, for Rayan. I knew that if I wanted to start an argument with that sister, I didn’t even have to breathe. I simply had to bring those soft blue pyjamas, wave them in front of her and Rayan would begin her spiel. I discovered how remarkably powerful this anchor was in changing Rayan’s state. The pyjamas had become an anchor for Rayan because it elicited intense negative emotions from the past. Intrinsically there wasn’t any defect with the pyjamas. Rayan simply chose to associate the pyjamas with a person she she didn’t like.

Negative and Positive Anchors

An anchor can be an object, scent, sound and even a movement like taping your right shoulder. It can make us enter negative and positive states. An anchor elicits a certain state and emotion either from past, vivid states, naturally occurring states or constructed state. The best anchors are the ones that come from the naturally occurring state. A negative anchor makes us feel bad or negative emotions because it is anchored to a bad experience. A positive anchor does just the opposite. It makes us feel happy because it is connected to a happy time or thing we have experienced.

Building Anchors

Making anchors is one of the most powerful and effective ways to feel happy, content, excited or serene. I’ve begun anchoring many people in my life with good intentions in sh Allah. Thus, I can pull them out of a negative state immediately. With Rayan, when I catch her laughing and smiling in our conversations, I simply tap her right shoulder with my index finger. She is usually so happy that she doesn’t notice the tap. The more I tap, the stronger the anchor becomes. After enough repetitions, she will be anchored to a happy state simply with a tap because she will have made a neurologic link between the tap and the intense emotion of laughter and happiness.

Does it work?

Why else would I share this with you? I have built anchors for myself from naturally occurring states. I have a small hair brush that I used when I was hospitalized. Upon my return, every time I saw that hairbrush, I was taken back to the hospital in an instant! I knew I had to do something because I didn’t want to get rid of the hair brush and I didn’t want to think about the hospitalization. So when I went to Toronto for my DiscoverU Life Coaching certification, I took it with me. And I made sure to use it, especially when I was excited and happy. I used it enough times to anchor the hair brush with my wonderful experiences at Toronto. Now when I look at the hair brush, I’m taken back to Toronto! Powerful!

Anchors can be used to help us. We already have many around us, many of which we are probably unaware of. So why not begin using themfor eliciting positive emotions!

Did you find this post on anchors useful? What anchors do you have in your life?

* Name/s changed to protect privacy

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Little Known Ways to Look and Feel Gorgeous

She stares at herself in the oval mirror that hangs neatly on her pale bedroom wall. Although Amna is all decked up for her friend’s party, she still doesn’t feel pretty enough. She’s not thin enough, tall enough, healthy enough. She’s just not good enough for herself. And now Amna is at a point where she has had enough of these “enoughs.”

Just like Amna, sometimes we think that a crinkled, rotten eggplant looks better than us. Some sisters have a challenging time feeling beautiful. They find it hard to see the good and gorgeous. If you find yourself to be one of these sisters, I have a diamond for you that will transform the way you see yourself:

الحمد لله الهم كما حسنت خلقي فحسن خلقي
Alhumdu lillahi Allahumma kama hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi

“Oh Allah! As you have beautified my outward/physical appearance, then beautify my inward appearance (character)”

 Why is this du’a a diamond? Look at the language of this du’a. The words are meticulously chosen to point towards a language of success. The du’a presupposes that you are already beautiful! And you are. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala wouldn’t create you any other way.

And what is the focus of the du’a? The du’a contains gratitude as you reaffirm your outer beauty and then focus on your inner character by ask the Lord of Beauty. What a noble and glittering focus that is!

The language of success and the focus with nobility is already in the du’a. It’s up to you now to make sure that when you recite this du’a that you are doing it with a physiology of ihsaan and excellence. This means that when you look in the mirror, say “hey gorgeous!” with a flooding smile. Then with your shoulders up and a deep breath, say, ”Alhumdu lillahi Allahumma kama hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi.”

Post this du’a directly on your mirror and by reciting it each time it’ll become automatic to you so much so that when you’ll see your reflection in the window or river, you’ll recite this du’a. The language in this du’a is posititve, it focuses on turning to the One who perfected you and asking him for excellent character. Now that’s what I call a hearty and healthy du’a.

During a state of depression and mania, a person can have a distorted self-image because their judgment is suspended temporarily. That’s when this handy du’a will come to the rescue as you turn towards your Lord. Allah will help you stay grounded whether you’re on a hill, mountain or just feeling the morning breeze!

 

 

 

 

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MorningWind and The White Moon

As you might now, Mishary Rashid is my favorite reciter, so far! You can imagine then my happiness when I saw the classic Tala’al Badru Alayna sung by him. Click to watch it below! (English translation below the video)

Oh the White Moon rose over us
From the Valley of Wada’
And we owe it to show gratefulness
Where the call is to Allah

O you who were raised amongst us
Coming with a work to be obeyed
You have brought to this city nobleness
Welcome! Best call to God’s way

Who Else Wants a FREE Life Coaching Session?

Asalaamu alaikum everyone!

I hope you are feeling fabulous because I’ve got some thrilling news for you!

I’ve had some super exciting and fruitful changes in my life since last year because I experienced DiscoverU LifeCoaching. It made such a difference for me that I decided I needed to learn how to create that difference for others, too. So right now as you read this I’m being trained at the DiscoverU Life Coaching certification with master life coach Muhammad Alshareef!

Now I can help you, and my sisters around the world, to start being, doing and having what you really want in life, just like I am. You’ll be able to have your cake and eat it too. How cool is that?

I just can’t wait to give yoU a slice of this amazing coaching experience. Thus, I’m offering you a FREE coaching session for a limited time only. It’s first come, first serve so hurry my dear sister and and email me at saba.discoveru@gmail.com right NOW! And if you’re ready for the full cake, Alhumdulillah, I’ll be here for that, too

Simply email me at saba.discoveru@gmail.com with your name, email and phone # where you can be reached to get your free coaching session now. Remember, space is limited! So hurry before the plate becomes empty…

I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart,

Saba

PS. Know someone who needs help or who wants to kick their life into high gear? Forward this message to them or share this post by clicking the Facebook, Digg, Delicious … buttons below!

PSS. You can also post ”I want a free session NOW” in the comment box by clicking on “comments” at the bottom of this post. Then I will be in contact with you in sha Allah.