I sit on my bare carpet, sifting through the confidential documents. My eyes scan the crisp white sheets for the dates of my recent episode. I suddenly stop when the word ‘mania’ jumps in the notes section. My pulse increases with reading of each letter. My eyes bring the heavy lids down. I drop my head as the salty fluid gushes beneath my tired eyelids. Like the two angels on my shoulders, my psychiatrist meticulously records my words and actions during my last visit, my last mania episode. Much of it, I recall not.
It seems like I’ve gone through a fast car accident and the details escape my mind. Who did I crash into? How much damage did I do to others? What precautions did I fail to take?
People with Bipolar experience their own accidents. During the rising actions leading to the crash, there is a controversial symptom that leaves a nasty mess behind.
It’s one of the most misunderstood symptoms of Bipolar. It is also one of the most controversial, more so for Muslims.
Hypersexuality
Many people with Bipolar face hypersexuality during mania. It is more common in women than men. Hypersexuality means having too much sexual energy to manage properly.
A refined daughter sporting a hijab utters sexually charged words to her father and cousin.
A practicing mother leaves her modesty indoors and jumps from man to man outdoors.
An intelligent university student proposes to a brother on the Internet.
To some, these examples are exaggerations. To others, they are understatements. To the bored, they are delicious rumor fodder.
You are free to make your judgements. So am I 
To me and those mastering Bipolar, these actions are symptoms of mania on the Bipolar spectrum. Any action during mania, depression, oppression, anytime has a consequence. It’s called physics. Action. Reaction.
How do we get up despite our charged actions? How do we prevent future wreckage?
Move on!
1. Embrace your actions. Past passed. Allah gives you a new day and moment to fashion your present and future. You’re the driver. Act like it! If need be, send an apology, pay for broken furniture or a broken heart. That’s part of embracing your actions too.
2. Please peel all labels. You’re not ‘bad’ person. You may do bad things. They don’t define you. They’re part of your behaviour. Good news is you always have fresh opportunities to change your behaviour.
3. It’s a dot. Hypersexuality is a dot on your white mania page. What else is on that page? Correct. Nothingness of white dots! Many other things happen during mania, good and great things. Which dots will you focus on?
Prevention equals proaction
1. Be an actor. Leave victim, villain and helpless roles. If the actor in you doesn’t step up and take charge, Bipolar will. Can you afford to give your life keys to an illness? Bipolar crushes or becomes a mastery tool for living. What will you choose today?
2. Become Bipolar detective. This mood disorder is not an erratic wind. It has predictable clues that scream before full blown mania or depression episode. Listen to be in control. Record so your red flags go up for future surprises.
3. Bipolar and excusitis? Do you also suffer from excusitis? I did. Then, people who deeply love me said, “Saba, shaddapp! Bipolar is not an excuse to do a and b. It is not an excuse to not do y and z.” Some Muslims become loose, cross the fences of Islam and blame it all on Bipolar. A gorgeous Muslim masters excusitis. They are true to themselves, their Creator and His creation.
What do you agree and disagree with? What did you learn from this post?
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I’m blessed with many sisters in my family. And overtime we’ve become superb friends. Thus, relaxing in our bedrooms on Saturday nights is common. On one such Saturday night, my sister’s friend, let’s call her Sarah, dropped by. I cherish her company so I joined the two of them. And as the relaxing and unwinding began, Sarah showed us a perfume sample she recently picked up from The Bay. My sister indulged in the sweet scent and felt elevated by the aroma. I turned to Sarah and asked, “What’s the perfume called?” She replied, “Calvin Klein Euphoria.” Upon hearing the label, piercing shrills thundered in my mind as I fixated on the perfume’s name.
